I’m growing a beard downstairs for Christmas. It’s been a long-term project, started about two years ago. At this point, I can hear 1970 calling, asking for its hippy free-lovin’ bush back.

I have several dear friends with bowel cancer. No, I don’t exclusively hang out with people with cancer (because, let’s face it, some people with cancer are absolute arseholes), but through a support group for people with the dreaded big C, I’ve met some bloody amazing women with this fucking awful disease.

At this point you are wondering why I started off talking about my pubes and then segued into bowel cancer. Stay with me friends, and it will all become clear (unlike my downstairs department).

The fabulous Australian musician Kate Miller-Heidke (who is basically related to me because 20 years ago the young bloke who eventually became her husband was in a university class I was teaching) has done a Christmas duet with a band called The Beards. Being middle-aged, suburban, and incredibly un-hip, I cannot claim to have ever heard of The Beards until today, but as the lover of a man with a mighty ginger beard, I can say without a doubt that they must be a great bunch of blokes.

Plenty of musicians put out Christmas songs, and let’s be frank most of them are shite. But this one from Kate (cos we’re totally on first name terms) and The Beards is not shite, it’s bloody hilarious, and the kicker is that all proceeds from download sales will go directly to Bowel Cancer Australia. So, it’s a Christmas song that’s not shite, but it’s dedicated to raising money to stop the shite (literal and figurative) that bowel cancer causes in so many people’s lives.

So please, get on board. The pink cancer gets so much attention (for which I am forever endlessly fucking grateful), but it’d be great to see the less glamorous brown cancer get some attention and some money for research and support. You can preview the song here on Kate’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/katemillerheidke/videos/10153264876293730/ and then you can pay to download the song and thereby donate money to Bowel Cancer Australia by going here:  http://www.decembeard.org.au/ChristmasSingle