They say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery, so instead of saying I stole the idea for this post from Woogsworld, let’s say that I’m giving one of my blogging gurus a good ole flattering. Lie back and think of England Mrs Woog, while I share the A-Z of Boob in a Box.
A: What have you always wanted to do, but have never had the guts?
Go on a tv quiz show. But my fear of getting the $500 question wrong and having Eddie Maguire look at me pityingly means it ain’t ever gonna happen.
B: Beards – yes or no?
Hipster Ned Kelly – no. Prison pussy – no. Year 10 Science teacher – yep.
C: What is your favourite chocolate ?
Whichever one is currently in my gob. Made these brownies at 8pm last night to satisfy a craving, very highly recommended.
D: Do you think it’s telling that you wrote a blog post about your dog well before you got around to writing one about your kid or your husband?
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that I may incriminate myself. Also:
E: What is your favourite event of the year?
Christmas. Dave and I normally host assorted relatives, friends and the occasional random for Christmas lunch. We spend weeks planning the menu, draw up a run sheet for the lead-in days, and then make the magic happen. We even did it whilst I was in the middle of chemo, where I made up for not being allowed to eat prawns or drink cocktails by consuming my own body weight in duck fat roasted potatoes.
F: You turn forty-five next month. How did that happen?
Well it started with my mother telling a doctor in early 1969 that if it wasn’t so ridiculous she’d think she was pregnant. More recently it’s been enabled by modern medicine – if I’d been born even ten years earlier I may not be alive today because the treatment I had for my breast cancer is that new.
G: Do you have any special gifts ?
No, but I like receiving gifts, does that count?
H: What does the word home mean to you?
It has a couple of meanings. It means the place where my boys are, wherever that may be. Deep down it also means my parents’ house – they have lived in the same place for the last 50+ years, so there are a lot of memories and a huge amount of comfort in that.
I: What’s the first thing you’d do if you developed the superpower of invisibility ?
Enquire as to why I didn’t get x-ray vision, which is the superpower I really want. Imagine me travelling the world helping parents see what toy was inside Kinder Surprises so that they could avoid the really shit ones.
J: You have a personal jumper rule. Tell us more.
No woollen jumpers allowed until 1 June. Pull out the wool too early, and you’ll be freezing your butt off by mid-July. Acclimatisation is the key.
K: You have a lot of friends whose names start with K. Have you ever wondered why?
Maybe people with names starting with K are naturally attracted to nutters who have jumper rules?
L: What has been your biggest life lesson ?
I have two: 1. Good things sometimes come to those who wait. 2. Waiting is really shit and note the use of the word sometimes.
M: If you had a million dollars, what would you do?
Then I would take my family and go travelling until the money ran out.
N: Do you have a favourite number ?
No, but my son does. He loves the number 8 because it looks like a race track. I think I will always remember that about him, even when he’s a man with a beard and kids of his own.
O: What’s your favourite thing to do online ?
Google crazy shit for this blog like ‘fart with confidence’ and ‘cancer is funny’. When I was in high school all we had was the library with a card catalogue, looking up swear words in the dictionary and snickering at the name of Funk and Wagnalls.
P: Which four people, living or dead, would you invite to dinner and why?
George Clooney – for decoration and conversation … and three other people who wouldn’t have a problem with me ignoring them all night.
Q: What sort of questions would you like to ask the readers of this blog?
Who are you? How are you? What would you like me to write about in future?
R: What do you do to relax ?
Watch television and play Words with Friends, usually simultaneously. At the moment I am enjoying The Time of Our Lives and Dirty Laundry Live on ABC. Pretty much all other free to air tv shits me to tears. Apple TV and Netflix get a pounding at our place. If you haven’t seen House of Cards or Orange is the New Black, do yourself a favour.
S: How long do you spend writing each blog post?
It varies, but the ones I look back on and feel proudest of are the ones that were written quickly – straight from the heart I guess.
T: How often do you succumb to temptation ?
I have no willpower whatsoever, so succumbing is my status quo.
U: What’s your idea of Utopia ?
No racists, homophobes or Tony Abbott supporters (same thing really) allowed. Living somewhere warm, where the smartest people are teachers and women don’t refer to their husbands as ‘babysitting’ their own children. Cocktail hour is mandatory and CANCER DOES NOT EXIST.
V: What is your favourite remake version of a song?
W: Which women do you admire most?
My mother – hardest working, least complaining woman ever – a true role model. Jane Caro – a tireless advocate for public education. And all my female friends for so many reasons.
X: How do you feel about X-rays ?
Hate them. In cancer world it’s called scanxiety. Any test, even if it’s nothing to do with cancer, causes massive amounts of stress and sometimes requires a dose of mother’s little helper to get through.
Y: What are the best and worst things about you ?
Best – I can usually see the funny side of things. Worst – I am lazy.
Z: What is something that you always do with zeal ?
Read comments from my blog readers. See Q above.